if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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