we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
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I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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