I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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