I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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