Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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