Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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