it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
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I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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