I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize