I met the friendliest cop last night
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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