some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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