someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize