never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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