We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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