I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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