omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize