Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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