Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize