I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize