Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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