don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize