he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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