No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
When did angry sex become our thing?
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