I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize