I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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