Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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