i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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