I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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