pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize