Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize