1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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