you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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