you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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