So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize