apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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