Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My bed smells like the plague
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