before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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