well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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