How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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