Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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