it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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