Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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