So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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