I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize