i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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