i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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