this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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