just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
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I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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