Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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