well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Come on in and take your pants off
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