My hand turned me down
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
so much tequila, so little girl.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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